He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
