If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
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