The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
