Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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