like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Randomize
