she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
