so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
