did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
