Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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