i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
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