Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
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