You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
