I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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