Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
I have post one night stand depression
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize