Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Randomize
