I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
