Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
