I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
