i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize
