I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Randomize
