eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
