ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
