The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
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