I'm going to jail i love you
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Randomize
