apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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