I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
splinters make it hard to masturbate
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize
