Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
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