Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
i've created a new STD.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
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