So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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