Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize