Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
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