May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
