Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Randomize