I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
soo... how was my night?
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
