so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
