If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
