How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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