i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
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