if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
You need Xanax blowdarts
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
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