i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Randomize
