But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Randomize
