If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
