did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Randomize
