Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
