I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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