I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
