I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
