I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
