hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
