he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
