her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
