Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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