i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
