I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I can't put those talents on a resume
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
