Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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