Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
