Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
