I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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