just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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