Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize
