you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
