He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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