Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
