The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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