it was like his penis was on wheels.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Randomize