New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
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