i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
