im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
