i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
